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I see on reading my last post that well over a month has passed. I had a great time with my sister and hope she will come again soon as possible!

Since then I have had a nasty cold virus which knocked me back a bit. Very frustrating as although I am now recovered it took much longer than a cold should and I have not had the stamina I had previously. I still don’t actually. So much for the stability I was talking about in my last post! Things are stable, but only because I am doing very little most days.

I have been out in my wheelchair for a few walks, and that has been lovely. I hope to do that regularly now that the weather is warming up as even half an hour out of the house can really be beneficial. I like it when I see unexpected things. The first one I met two horses, one was very interested in my wheelchair and it only just missed being covered in horse drool (I had stood up to say hello to them, and was glad I did as horses are a bit intimidating close up, especially when curious!). The second time I saw a frog popping up to the surface of the water at the pond, presumably to breathe, then disappearing back into the murk. It did that several times. Then the last walk it was sunset (I got very cold!) and I saw fish noses or fins then a ring rippling out from where they surfaced to feed. There were lots of them, making circles all over the place. The water was very still so the ripples lasted for ages. It was very peaceful.

I have also been having some massages and they have been great. After the virus I just ached all over, right in between my ribs, front and back,  from coughing and like I had strained myself from the neck down really. Also due to my blocked nose I was better sleeping on my back as it seemed to stay clearer but that made my lower back pain flare up quite badly. I cannot have massage on my legs due to my neuropathic pain and general tenderness, but have really felt the benefit on my upper body. It has taken about three sessions to feel better though, to convince my muscles to give in to it. Obviously I will always have pretty much constant muscle pain and tension but I think it does help to ease it off every now and again. I have not had acupuncture for a long time but I will go back in May and stop the massage again soon (maybe just one more?!). I am not supposed to be having them as my acupuncturist said he did not think deep massage was good for me – shhh! Well I am sure it’s only moderate massage (not deep) so it’s FINE! Also it feels so good, so tough bananas…

In my previous post I also talked about wanting to use my energy for more creative things, having put so much into my benefits application so far this year and having had little energy left for fun or creativity. Due to the virus I have not done a lot, but I have been making some postcards for my friend, and that has been fun though each time I do one it creates much neck and upper back pain for a couple of days – I need to find a way to sit that is better but there seems no magic answer. I need to try some office chairs in a shop and find one that is supportive in all the right places, but have yet to make that trip out. I think that drawing (and other creative activity) by nature is hard to manage as when you concentrate on something like that you cannot help but tense some of your muscles as you draw. When those muscles have the stamina of a gnat, that causes pain very quickly! I have been enjoying the challenge of the postcards though and the sharing of it with a friend (she sends me a card she has done and I respond in kind).

The other thing I am classifying as creative activity is gardening. The weather has been lovely and I have been getting that spring feeling and my partner has been helping me by weeding, chopping things back and preparing pots for me. I have sown some flower seeds for the garden and also some herbs indoors. My cold frame is up and things are coming along nicely. I hope we will tackle some veg seeds next weekend – carrots, beetroot and spring onions!

I have also started taking some digestive enzymes over the last couple of weeks. I will blog about that separately…

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I took this picture over a week ago (23rd August). I was spending time in the sunny back yard, trying to de-stress and relax. It worked a little bit. I squeezed and sniffed all my herbs (the lavendar given to me by Mr& RachelCreative, my rosemary, mints, two lemon geraniums (one is like sweet lemon sherberts, the other sharper, like lemongrass) and other geranium which has quite a strong geranium smell (even if they are all pelargoniums, strictly speaking!), and nibbled some parsely, so it was an aromatherapy session of sorts… all the DLA stuff was going through my mind, around and around…

My letter requesting the appeal has been sent today, so hopefully i will get a breather before having to think about it again. My health has been really bad the last couple of weeks, which may be partly down to the stress of it all, as well as all the time spent concentrating and preparing documents, reading guides on how to appeal etc. I am also not sure if i am fighting off a virus… my stomach has been really upset, my body clock has been misbehaving and i have been sleeping badly but having to be in bed a lot as feeling so rubbish, my heart has been beating sometimes fast and sometimes having little spasms (not painful, just odd), walking has become so hard i am struggling to leave the house and walk a few yards during the “high” (ha ha) point of the day… whatever the reason i have been feeling pretty awful and struggling to stay positive… things could be worse of course, and it is not all doom and gloom, i just hope to start perking up soon.

ME/CFS Awareness

ME/CFS Awareness

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