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After several days of feeling really awful and being mostly in bed (when not trying to take the dog out and wondering, literally, if i can make it home despite being only a few hundred yards from my house) i went today to get my hair cut! I was ready to cancel yesterday (and shave my hair off as i rarely feel up to going to get it cut) but knew i only needed to be taken there and sit through it and thought i would see how i felt today. I rested and mostly lay in bed until 2pm and then felt able to give it a go 🙂
The other thing i did was i popped into Boots, which is next door to the hairdressers and got some wrapping paper to wrap my partner’s birthday and anniversary presents in – i was beginning to get a bit stressed about it as could not see when i would be well enough to get some, had left it too late to order online (knew i forgot something!) and didn’t want to ask her to get her own! They did not have a great selection but i am happy. Still have not managed to get cards for her, but think i will have to make them if i can…
I do miss being able to go shopping, but usually it doesn’t bother me hugely unless i need clothes, but it really annoys me not to be able to choose presents for people… the internet is great and helps a lot but it is nice to see what you are buying sometimes as well!
Anyway, i didn’t feel as bad as i thought in the hairdressers (kept my eyes open and chatted quite a bit -although the music was a bit sharp) and i feel a sense of achievement. Plus my hair looks one hundred per cent better than before!
If the sun would just come out so i can sit in the backyard a bit over the weekend i will be doubly happy!
(yes i am blocking the fact that i need to write my letter requesting my DLA appeal and have had not even half the energy required to engage with that task in the last week… let’s hope i have the energy to do it this week before the deadline… shame i will have to use my better moments on that odious task…)
When will it stop? It’s August, not November!
I have started a new blog which is focussed on my creative activites… It is called Energy Sparks: Check it out!
Well i have been meaning to update on this for ages, so to take my mind of the DLA dramas i thought i would do it now…
I have been taking D-Ribose for months now (see previous posts), and although i was not sure to begin with i am quite sure now that it is having a small positive effect 😉 I did not take it for a couple of days recently as was waiting for a new supply and although those days were fine i had a few days afterwards where my thighs were so heavy it was quite a shock (I also felt very sleepy and could have slept all day and night, which was not how i usually am). Since taking the D-Ribose i have had a lot less of that real heaviness in my legs, where i have felt like manually lifting each leg in turn to go up a step and they feel like they are filled with lead. It is very rarely that bad now. I also think that although they do ache quite badly after i use the muscles, or have a stressful time where i must be tensing them without realising, it does not last as long. The recovery is quicker. In general they feel lighter. I feel less like i am wading through water perhaps.
I do not feel any difference after taking it, like a buzz of extra energy or anything, and i am still unsure if i actually have any more energy – i have not seen any real improvement in how far i can walk, what i can do in a day etc. although this is hard to measure with natural fluctuations, there is certainly no dramatic difference. I still have a lot of symptoms of muscular pain in back, or anywhere i use the muscles more than usual, bad tension headaches and neck pain and tenderness, lightheadedness, dizziness, temperature fluctuations, sensory overload, need to lie down/nap at usually twice each day etc etc etc no change in those areas…
The things that has been a LOT better are my mood and my skin (particularly my face). I cannot really explain that and am not sure why. I have also been taking other supplements: Enzymatic Therapy Energy Revitalisation System & B vitamins, which is a powder (and tablets for b vits) with many different things in, as well as CoQ10 & L-carnetine and also i started taking all this stuff in the spring, just as i started being able to sit outside in the sun more, which i think really helped my skin as it improved almost immediately. My face was very dry and was irritated every time it got wet (eg when washing hair) and it was literally flaking off and started having patches on it that looked a bit like eczema or something, but it is so much better these days. It could be the vitamins or the sunshine or a combination of factors… who knows! I have reduced the vitamins to half a scoop each day and taking the tablets every other day, mainly for cost reasons and have not seen any effect, but i still take the standard dose of D-Ribose: 5mg twice a day.
I also take Vertase Omega369 tablets, but have taken them for years so not really worth mentioning!
So life is sometimes more pleasant but has not opened up particularly… i think the only way to see what impact the D-ribose is having is to stop it for a while and see the difference… which i will do at some point, but i am not sure when i want to risk feeling worse – there is never a good time to do that is there!?
Well, bad news is that the benefits service who could have helped me have refused to take my case on for appeal… so if i want to carry on to appeal i have to go it alone… I am not sure what they would have done for me, but they would have come with me and helped me prepare for it, and possibly “represented” me in some way. Anyway going alone (with my partner) is a bit daunting. The reason they are not taking me on is that I do not have good medical support/evidence, and as my case stands it does not look very strong, as without medical backup they (DWP) have every reason not to believe me it seems. The service have limited resources so can’t take on someone in this situation. I have an appointment with my specialist in october so i am hoping that he will be very supportive so that i have a basis on which to continue to appeal (and to challenge what has already been said about me), but i am having real second thoughts about continuing. It is stressing me out! I know that if i don’t i will always be thinking, “what if i had carried on…” but i am left doubting how strong a case i have and my chances of success after this latest development, and it is a lot to put myself through for nothing. I suppose i will just carry on until i have seen the specialist and give up if he is not overly enthusiastic/supportive/articulate but i am so sick of all this now. I could rant on and on about it but i really can’t be bothered to waste my breath today!
This afternoon i had my first Hot Stones Massage. It was really good! I had it done just a few doors from my house, so not far to stagger home again and it is on special offer – £30 for all of August (usually£45) – and it lasted nearly one and half hours!
It was really nice because it covered practically my whole body and i was amazed by how many painful and tense areas i had – i knew my upper back, neck, scalp and shoulders were bad as i have been in quite a bit of pain and had daily headaches since coming back from the festival as it was hard to care for my posture when away from my usual chair, bed and travelling etc. – but i was amazed by how bad my leg muscles were and also in the bridge of my feet. My upper arms were also very sore. I knew my head was tense and i could have done with another half an hour just focussed on that, but apart from that the massage was very focussed where it was most needed… So i have booked another one for the same time next week 🙂 i can’t wait… i think that two in a row will mean that things have chance to improve much more: cumulative effect! I am going to try extra hard this week to keep my newly massaged body stretched, relaxed and massaged where i can to keep up the momentum!
The stones were really nice – they start off very hot but cool quite quickly so the person keeps leaving to swap them over so it is not like a normal massage where the hands barely leave you for the whole time, but you are left with the heat of the stone in-between times so it is still very relaxing. The stones are rubbed over you quite gently but it is supposedly the heat which penetrates into the muscle and releases the tensions. My back would not even click when i sat up and felt amazing, so i think it definately works! When she had done each foot she placed three little stones between my toes! That made me laugh – she said that quite a lot of people’s toes can’t hold them in place… a talent i didn’t know i had! Also after doing my arms she left a large stone in each hand, which was nice to hold.
Since i went to Scarborough i have had a new perspective on alternative therapies – i have tried quite a few before, but went through a phase of thinking what is the point, as however nice they are, none will ever “make me better” and you can spend so much money on them – but when in Scarborough and having a treatment of some kind each day i realised that the value gained from something that helps you to relax, takes you away temporarily from reality and gives you a sense of well-being and makes you feel good can be immense and although may not heal you in any absolute sense, can contribute to positive change on some level, even if it is just in mood. If it can help shake these tension headaches away i will be happy as i am taking painkillers every evening and i don’t feel comfortable with that for more than a couple of days in a row, but have had no choice lately. Obviously i can’t keep having a massage every week, but i think it is good to know it is there for when i really need it and so convenient being on my doorstep… roll on next Tuesday!
Well, i survived. Yes it did feel like a question of that at times, but also there were some really good and relaxed times as well where i really felt i was on holiday and part of something. To be amongst thousands of other people at an event and also to be visiting somewhere where i have had such good times before i became this ill felt like a real achievement, and a nice trip down memory lane, even if it threw into sharp relief my limitations now compared to before… But that was no surprise and it was as i expected: I spent the majority of the time in the B&B room but did have a nice thai meal in a restaurant, went to a pub me and my partner used to like years ago when we first started going out, went to sit by the river and watch people punting (boats pushed along with poles, like in venice – something cambridge is famous for), and i managed to stay at the festival from 4pm – 11.30pm on the saturday and i really felt that i had experienced the festival, although it was a struggle for the last few hours i really wanted to stay to see the bands that were on late. I knew i was overdoing it, as it was a huge sensory experience with people everywhere, loud music sometimes vibrating through me, it was a bit cold by the end, sitting on a fold up chair that was not very supportive of my head, etc etc. The Friday i only managed to go to the festival for three hours (with ear plugs in!!), and the same on the Sunday and i did not feel good either time but at least i missed a lot of the rain as my partner got soaked to the skin several times!
It was a really good feeling to be speeding away from home on a high speed train and going somewhere new, but it was even better speeding back home, as after five nights away i was desperate to climb into my own bed, in the peace and quiet. Once i got into bed i remembered how noisy the kids next door are, but no-where is perfect!
It is nice to know that it is still possible to travel a bit and see new places but only within my normal levels of activity – i soon came up to my limits and there was no miracle burst of energy. Carrying things, walking, queuing (even with folding seat) etc were very difficult and draining and every step had to be planned, but this is how it has to be these days. Now i have heard some new music that i can listen to at a more ME-friendly volume at home and i have had a change of scenery too.
Swifts curve in the sky
Among the sound waves rising
From the festival
Man reading on train
Sits next to me and annoys:
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