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Well, my week is over, my mum has been and gone and it has been a good week overall.
Having my Mum here really helped me to be able to do the odd thing as i realised on the first couple of days before she arrived, doing everything for myself and the odd household task (washings etc) can really sap my energy and i can overdo myself before i know it, especially if i have not slept well enough. Just having someone there to wash up and do some jobs for me made a big difference. Also although having someone here is tiring as i am talking etc and maybe going out more, it also helps me to relax and enjoy the day and helps time pass, which has the opposite effect. We did not do anything major, but we did go to a local lake and sat there for a while and i took some photos, we had our massages, we went to a garden centre and also visited a friend for a cuppa. So all in all a good few days.
Yesterday i was on my own and got all my jobs done, so today i rested all day and then went out into town briefly to a shop (where i pointedly asked if there was a chair without something on it that i could SIT on! The lady was very obliging and moved some wares elsewhere) and to a cafe to meet some people. I stayed for over an hour before i felt very light-headed and came home. I really enjoyed it though and it was good to have got out despite being home alone. I am just winding down now and hope i sleep tonight so that i can recover quickly. My partner will be home tomorrow evening 
I have missed her!
Next week we have another visitor, a good friend is coming to stay, so in effect i have another staycation next week! Not bad eh? No firm plans but hope to go for a picnic somewhere if the sun shines – at least i will be able to eat it if we take our own food! Also planned is a game of scrabble – we can take all week to play it after all – can’t wait! I only wish my dictionary was a bit lighter as it makes my arms ache!
Well, it seems there are several things going on so here’s a little update on each:
Haircut! I managed to go out on Saturday into town by taxi, to get my hair cut. It is so nice to have a proper cut as i have thick short hair it soon grows out of style into a mess, and i cannot be bothered/do not have energy to be styling it every time i get out of bed (two-three times a day!). It had been over 12 weeks since i last had it cut! I had a really nice friendly taxi driver and he took me both ways and my hairdresser was chatty too. This meant i had about two hours of conversation. I felt very lightheaded at times and knew i was overdoing it, but i REALLY enjoyed it, and being sociable I coped ok in the salon with the noise, busy atmosphere, lights and music. I was nice to feel i was doing something in the “normal” way.
D-Ribose: RachelCreativeis back on her D-ribose, but after my three week trial i really cannot tell any definitive difference in my symptoms, although there is a lot of other things going on at the same time. I am stuck between wanting to be at my best for my sister’s wedding in 3-4 weeks so taking it just in case it helps even a little, and really not being bothered with it - particularly as i am experimenting with my diet so much. I would rather reintroduce a “new” food than introduce d-ribose and wait to see if it has any effect on my digestive system… so i think i am not going to take it for now.
Midodrine/POTS: It has been two weeks since i started to increase my dose of Midodrine. It has definitely been easier than last time i tried, with less nastly side effects. I think this is mainly due to the times i am taking it: more spaced out through the day… although i am going to try to continue upping the dose gradually a little more yet over the next few weeks. In general i think i am feeling a little stronger on this new dose as well, though my evening head and neck tension/pain has been worse. I hope this will ease off again. I may just be feeling stronger due to my digestive system improvements, who knows…
I am still getting some POTS symptoms, which i was reminded of yesterday when i was driven by my partner to a local small shop (5 minutes away in next village). I just fancied a little trip out of the house and felt ok. I walked up a couple of aisles and got what i wanted, then when standing at the till (there was a short delay as something went wrong with the items going through the till) i found myself really struggling to stand there. I sat on my walking stick seat which helped a little but just this small thing meant i had to go back to bed when i got home as i felt awful. It was partly due to “payback” from going out on Saturday to get my haircut, but still felt very much like the start of a POTS episode… there are definitely times now where i would be fine to go to a shop for ten minutes and pay at the till, but i still have to time it right and am often not as good as i imagine i will be when i actualy do it! It is easy to think i am SO much better when i am sitting at home, but in reality most things are still difficult. Baby steps…
IBS & the diet: The new diet is going well. After the fourth day of diarrhea after eating the oats, i took one Immodium (loperamide) tablet as i could not deal with it any longer and seemed to be losing weight fairly rapidly. After taking the tablet things have been much better and seem to have settled into a good pattern. My stomach is still achy and painful on occasion, but i think getting better every day. I am gradually introducing more things into my diet that “should” not cause any problems and so far so good.
I have eaten soya yogurt products, more ground nuts, fruit and seeds ground and cooked in my morning porridge, oh yes! gluten free porridge (rice and millet), avocado (my first raw fruit!), butternut squash soup, choc soya pudding, cornflakes, seed butter, rice pasta, a small piece of gluten free orange cake …. and probably more new stuff… it has involved going to the supermarket and buying “special” products which can be pricier than the usual ones but i would not really have to do this if i was not going gluten free at the same time… after the oats i am being a bit careful about this issue, especially as my Mum finds she cannot eat gluten.
I have still not eaten any gluten since the “oats drama”, nor have i eaten any dairy products except a bit of egg in the cake. I am cooking rice and potato etc fresh and not allowing to cool (due to the potential resistant starch issues.) I am limiting very high fibre foods, or cooking small amounts of them well and mixing into the safe foods. I want to try some cheese at some point, but am not really missing the yogurt now that i am eating the soya version – just as nice.
I also want to try a bit of low fibre gluten/wheat products and see if i have a dramatic reaction like i did with the oats… i think i will wait a bit longer as things have only been going well for a few days. I need to try it out before my sister’s wedding weekend, but also with enough time to recover before going! Otherwise i may not be able to eat any of the wedding food! As a vegetarian, cheese sandwiches are staple fare at such times after all… finger’s crossed the oat thing was just a one-off, and not a sign that gluten in general is no good for me. We shall see…
Back exercise: I have been forgetting to do my back exercise recently, tut tut! I am still trying to do it though and will try harder! I think that because i am having more pain in other areas (shoulders, headaches) i am more focussed on that and don’t feel like lying on the floor and striking the pose… no excuses though!
Going out: I am going to try to go out on Friday early evening for a couple of hours to be sociable with a group of people in a cafe… cross your fingers for me to feel up to it?
Well, i have been really enjoying the sunshine recently! I am currently sitting on the doorstep with my jeans rolled up, my forearms out and my face and neck exposed also. I have decided to make sure that if it is a sunny day i will make sure that i sit outside in it for ten-fifteen minutes at least, in order to get my vitamin D for the day. I had a quick surf on the net and it seems this is all that is required.
I have not read into it fully but i am aware that there is research on ME and Vitamin D deficiency going on, so i think i may as well do what i can, just in case it helps! Also there is osteoporosis in my family, and i am a vegetarian so i may not get as much in my diet as other people, although i read that it is hard to get enough just through diet alone anyway.
Of course, i hope to sit out in the sun for longer than this over the summer but i may well cover up and wear suncream for any length of time much over this amount, especially in the height of summer, as i don’t think getting sunburn is fun or a good idea! It is good to know that something so simple can allow me to get enough vitamin D (assuming people with ME can make it the same as others do…). Knowing the climate i may have to seize the moment some days as you never know when the sun will go in in this country!!
Yesterday i definately got my quota, as after over two weeks of living in a cold virus ridden household (first my partner, then me) we both felt better and went out for easter sunday! It was warm and there was not a cloud in the sky. First we went for some lunch in town, but it felt so wrong to be inside, so we relocated to park, then a nearby pub garden and sat in the sun playing cards for a couple of hours! My back got quite sore from strange and unsupportive seating (despite having my cushion with me!) and i was exhausted when we got home but seem to have come off relatively unscathed after sleeping almost continuously until 1.30pm today! It was so nice to spend time together relaxing and to be out of the house and feeling good after some very tough weeks (before we got ill was very busy and i was not feeling well at all).
Hurray for the sunshine! AND after my mum came to visit and did lots of work in my garden (thanks mum!), and i planted some seeds, some are coming up today! I think it is the miniature marigolds… ahhh! Let’s hope the slugs and snails don’t fancy a snack before they get a chance of life. Fingers crossed for the californian poppies as well, then my garden will be a sea of orange flowers this summer
Well, i said i would go out of the house somehow to mark my birthday, and i did. We decided Saturday was the best day for a number of factors (weather forecast, likely traffic due to Newcastle v Sunderland football game on Sunday etc), but i woke up feeling very dodgy and my partner’s assessment that i looked “a bit pale”, when i looked in the mirror, was a hilarious understatement. (Good to see those low blood pressure tablets working… NOT!). So, we crossed off the most ambitious option which was to drive to Sunderland to the National Glass Centre (best done in daylight as never been before and it was already late morning) and i got back into bed. I managed a bath in the afternoon and booked a taxi for 4.15pm, as i was determined to do something out of the ordinary. We went to the Laing Art Gallery in town (Newcastle) to quickly (It closes at 5pm!) see Tracey Emin’s Seagulls. I was happy to find them near the entrance and there was a sofa to sit on while looking at them.
I am not really a fan of hers, but i am conceiving an arty project of my own about birds (I feel it may be customary not to talk about things before you even start them, and for good reason, but hey! i like to live on the edge), which have taken on a greater significance for me recently as my illness has been more severe, so i thought in the name of research i would see what a “proper artist” was doing… We did not stay long and really there was nothing more to see than looking at the picture on the website (see link above). What really struck me was that the seagulls, all made from the same cast so pretty much identical, looked more like PIGEONS! To me the beauty of a gull is in it’s crisp edges and it’s angular elegance in the air; these were all rounded and puffy looking… and to have the same words on each one as well? It could have been more interesting to my mind, but what do i know?
So anyway, we then took a short walk to a bar as we had an hour before the restaurant opened. Firstly the only seat we could get were high bar stools which wobbled precariously and were set next to a wobbly table and i felt all “at sea” and not good at all. I do best with a seat with a supportive back, but this was a whole new level of discomfort! Luckily some people moved and we got better seats and the lights were less in my eyes there too.
Then we took another short walk to the bus stop to get a bus down the hill to the quayside. We did not have long to wait and got to the restaurant no problem. The meal was nice. It was Indian food from the Kerala region. We enjoyed the starters more than the main in the end and it was nice and quiet with only one other table occupied when we arrived, although it did fill up by the time we left. We could have got a taxi to come to the restaurant to take us home but i wanted to walk along the river just a little as it is a long time since i was there, and it is nice at night. So we walked a little bit and got a taxi home from the taxi rank.
When we got home i very quickly deteriorated and had to go and lie in bed for a while, which put a bit of a dampener on things (i walked into the bedroom and looked at the bed which i only left about 4 hours before and it looked like my enemy, which it does not usually) and i was disappointed, although i knew i had pushed my luck quite a lot considering the day started so badly.
I have slept most of today so far and i don’t feel too good now since writing this but i am glad we managed to go out, however much of an effort it can feel. I made my partner take some pictures of me (she refuses to have many taken of her although i did get one) to mark the occasion as otherwise i will probably forget what we did by next year, as my brain is not so good on that front at the moment!
All in all i did have a very good birthday, and what made it good were all the good wishes, cards and great presents people gave me. People have put so much thought into them and that touched me a lot and made me feel valued and special to them. I still have not even found homes for them all – yes i got that many!!! So thanks everyone, if you are reading this xx.
(Hmm cheesy, green & nice!)
Special thanks to my partner, who always tries so hard to give a sense of occasion even when i am feeling ill, and who made me a gorgeous parsley risotto on Wednesday for my birthday dinner even though she was dubious about the concept, but we both loved it after all! She got me a digital photo frame, which i love despite never wanting one before i got it and is so nice to have on when i am just sitting quietly, and a love-at-first-sight wool top! Here i am wearing it. Me, aged 32…
Well, this week has not been good. I have not been really bad, but not well enough to do anything much for long. Some days have been as bad as ever, seeing a return of bad upper back pain and regular headaches among other things. I have had to sleep a lot and have just not felt much sparkle…
Yesterday i went to see the CFS specialist again. He suggested it may be the medication causing this down-turn as he says it is generally not well tolerated (The POTS specialist did not say this to me, who is right?). Up til then i was thinking maybe i was fighting the nasty virus my partner has had all week, but i take his point. Maybe i just didn’t want it to be that, but thinking about it, it makes sense. I have had more problems with temperature regulation again, including goosebumps when warm (particularly on my thighs) and cold feelings on my head when my body is warm. Also a difficulty getting warm, followed suddenly by being over-hot and sweating. Goosebumps is meant to be a side effect, paricularly on the scalp so it kind of follows.
I am going to give it another couple of weeks to see if things improve as my body gets used to the new dosage as it was three weeks before i was sure it was having a positive effect intially. If no better i will ring the hospital and see what they suggest. After the initial success, i don’t want to give up on midodrine too early.
Although i am not hideously ill, i feel pretty much as i have pre-medication which is disappointing. What seemed “normal” has now become “worse than expected” , as i got my hopes up, which is not a good way to see it mood-wise. But i am well practiced with patience and i am trying to just see what happens. I really want to go to a lecture on monday evening that the POTS specialist is giving, and it is my birthday during the week so would like to be able to do something outside the house next weekend to mark the occasion. What we attempt will depend how this week goes… my short-list is:
- Lunch/afternoon tea at a fancy hotel/country mansion type place up the road (easy ten mins drive for my partner) where i have not been before
- Go into town to the arts cinema, with optional meal out afterwards if stamina allows
- Go to National Glass Centre in Sunderland – this is a very long shot and the meds would have to kick in big-time as it is quite a drive and would need to be pushed in wheelchair etc etc – but no point ruling it out til the time comes as I have wanted to go there for years and have never been. There is a really interesting-looking exhibition on called Beautifully Crafted (see above link).
- Also in Sunderland are the Winter Gardens, which again i have not been to, but i could never do both things at once… it is winter though so must be a good time to visit
Or i may have other inspiration in the week, who knows! I hope i can do something anyway… If not i could become old AND grumpy overnight!
Also, to throw a spanner in the works, my partner has been ill with a virus all week and is still not tip-top, so it will depend on how she is doing by then as well… fingers crossed… again!
